June Date #3
Indiana's Date #3
Key Takeaways: I don't know what I want (and that is very clear)
Name: Thespis (Round 2!)
Length of date: 4 hours
How the date was obtained: 2nd date with Hinge king!
Where: Castle Park in Sherman Oaks & the Galleria
The return of Thespis!
For our second date, we decided to hit up Castle Park in Sherman Oaks for some mini-golfing. I'm not afraid to say it: I'm a great putter. I knew I had to destroy Thespis, both for my own pride and to establish some status within our budding relationship.
Here's a summary of the date's events:
• I beat him in mini-golf by 2 points. Not my best game.
• We went to the Galleria to get some food after. Ended up walking around for 45 minutes waiting for an open table (once again... this shit is tiring, man. I'm only good for so much people-watching commentary).
• Got some Mexican food, got a marg, got a lil horn-dog...
• Went back to Castle Park and made out in his car for an hour or so. He was like, "Wanna move to the back?" and I said, "Nope, I'm good here." Proud of myself for setting boundaries, both for my own comfortability and based on the fact that I didn't really want to hook up in a mini-golf place parking lot.
On paper, it was a good date. I utilized my knowledge of 8th grade geometry in a game of mini-golf, I consumed some incredible guac, and I got to be close to another human being in a romantic/sexual way for the first time in... a bit. That was nice.
BUT WHAT NOW?
Just an overwhelming feeling of emptiness that this search is all for naught. That maybe I do want a serious relationship rather than just a casual fling, but that I also don't want to commit to anyone and I do want to explore myself sexually. That I don't think Thespis is the elusive "the one," but am I really looking for "the one" right now? That I do want sexy-time and to feel comfortable and confident in my body, but that any encounter of intimacy makes me question my entire value system and identity. (Definitely Christian guilt there.)
SO WHAT DO I WANT?
I don't know, but I'm happy I have this date-a-week schedule to at least try things. This whole process is helping me grow in a lot of areas where I've felt developmentally stunted: I'm learning how to set my own physical boundaries and stick to them, how to gracefully turn down a suitor, and also that I shouldn't settle. I mean, I'm exhausted after 3 dates. So moving forward, I'm gonna raise my expectations; I don't want there to be any but's at the very beginning. At least give myself time to find those red flags, like a little scavenger hunt! Additionally, while making out in a car is fun, that shit is tiring, too.
The future for us… Not really interested in continuing our relationship. Too much existential dread. Need to craft the "It's not you, it's me" text ASAP.
Next Week: Yes! I've got a date with a guy from Tinder so we'll see where that takes me.