RYAN'S DATE #4
Key Takeaways: I survived
Vitals:
Name: Mad-Eye Moody, because of her wandering eye
Length of date: 2 hours
How the date was obtained: Hinge
Where: Tony P's Dockside Grill, Marina del Rey
Thursday night rolled around, and I realized I hadn't solidified a date yet. I started desperately shooting shots across three dating apps, and thought the loyal Date-a-Week readers would appreciate some highlights:
To the girl who described herself as an "open book": "If you're an open book, I'm using my library card to check you out"
To the girl looking for a "mature older man": "I'm an immature younger man, does that work?"
To the girl whose entire bio was just "Goofy": "Mickey Mouse (we're naming our favorite Disney characters, right?)"
To the girl named Kaatherine: "Hey, I'm Ryaan"
To the girl who just wanted "to be treated right": "I definitely won't treat you left"
To the girl looking for a "grown man": "I'm a little boy"
To an Australian girl: "Ahoy mate, can I be a shrimp on your barbie?"
For some reason, I received no responses. Luckily, a separate girl on Hinge agreed to dinner and drinks for Friday night. I hadn't talked to her much over the app, and our short conversation had been lukewarm, but I was feeling desperate for blogging content and figured that getting serial killed or catfished would at least be a change of pace from last week's blue balls. When I picked up my date, I was surprised to find a cute and fit brunette, as advertised in her Hinge profile. "Wow, maybe tonight's date won't be so bad after all," I foolishly thought to myself. After a car ride filled with learning her life story and passion for Chick-Fil-A, I was anxious to sit down for dinner and be able to speak for the first time. "At least she looks exactly like her pictures," I thought. I looked across the table to see my date in the light for the first time and noticed she kept looking at the table to our right, instead of making eye contact. "Hmmm, maybe she's nervous," my inner monologue continued. But no, I then realized it was only her right eye that was fixed on the couple eating next to us. "Hmmm, maybe she's doing her best Pennywise the Dancing Clown impression for me," I surmised. But as she continued her soliloquy about how Chick-Fil-A's political views "aren't even that bad", I realized that her right eyeball seemed to be permanently fixed at a 45-degree angle. "Ok, Ryan," I thought to myself. "Don't be shallow, and just get to know her for who she is. And besides, dating someone with the world's best peripheral vision probably has its perks." "What about you?" she asked me. It was then that I realized I had no clue what Mad-Eye Moody had been saying for the last 5 minutes. "Ah yes, the weather's been crazy lately," I responded. Her brow furrowed, as my answer made no sense in conjunction with Chik-Fil-A's stance on gay people. "But enough about me," I said. "How's life been for you during covid?" That was not the best question to ask Mad-Eye Moody, as she launched into a discussion over how she takes her mask off any chance she gets because covid "isn't even that bad" and "doesn't even kill many people". "But I won't lie to you," she continued. "I did have covid back in May." "Wow, that's so surprising," I answered. "It sounds like you've been so cautious." "But anyway, you lived in Malibu, right? Do you know Ollie's Duck and Dive?" she asked. Finally, a topic I could get into, as Ollie's was my favorite restaurant during my time in Malibu. "How do you know Ollie's?" I asked, surprised. "It's crazy," she said. "A guy from my high school went missing after last being seen there." "Oh my God. Is he ok?" I foolishly asked. "Oh no, he's no longer with us," she cheerfully remarked as she munched on her Greek salad. "He drove off the side of Kanan Road and died at the bottom of the canyon." It was then that I realized that I may get serial killed by Mad-Eye Moody after all. "But anyways, do you want to hear a fun fact?" she continued. "Dear God, yes please," I thought to myself. Anything lighthearted to change the subject. "My sorority sister at UCLA was murdered!" she exclaimed with a smile on her face, her right eye still staring at the poor couple next to us. "I think you may have a different definition of 'fun' than I do," I responded as I prepared to dial 911 under the table in case she lunged at me. Luckily, our waitress was walking by, and I frantically paid the check and escorted Mad-Eye Moody to the car. After dropping off the pure-blood wizard at her apartment, I rushed home to write this blog, just in case she had snuck a tracking device on my car or shirt. If I don't respond to your texts this week, check Kanan Road.
Overall Experience:
⭐️
The future for us… A real-life version of Silence of the Lambs
Next Week: I will be avoiding Ollie's Duck and Dive and Chick-Fil-A
CHRISTINE'S DATE #4
Key Takeaways: I would hang out again to make sure there is no sexual attraction. But, I think I was more attracted to his brain than him, and I think he felt the same about me.
Vitals:
Name: Aaron because he loved Aaron Sorkin and is a writer for the New York Times
Length of date: 3 hours
How the date was obtained: Bumble
Where: Hotchkins Park in Santa Monica and then we went to dinner at a ramen place in Santa Monica
He was SO smart. He has like 2 PhDs and is a writer at NYTimes and just had an insane intelligence, which I always find really hot. He made some really good points within our discussion about politics, tech, art, and journalism. I dug the conversation so much and found him to be so very charming. I just don’t know if the physical attraction is there. He definitely is a good looking guy, but I think we might have been missing that "spark." I almost want to be friends with him rather than date him. I think he might feel that way about me too because at the end of the date, it felt very formal and stifled like we didn’t know what to do or if we would ever see each other again.
I also need to stick to my guns and not be such a YES person during a pandemic. I just wanted to talk in a park but it turned into dinner at a restaurant. Lovely date, but I still felt a bit overwhelmed eating out.
Overall Experience:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The future for us… I’d like to go on another date when I get back in town in a couple weeks, he said he would like that.
Next Week: He hasn’t returned my text yet SOOO might be a one-off.